...Are we human, or are we dancers?

Dunno. Some gay drivel i heard on the tranny at the gym.

Today was the first day in rather a long time i felt at all like a human.* Last night i breached the mind-warping looney bin of pre-xmas Wal-Mart 'cuz i was so desperate for glucosamine. This was unwise, and i left in a blank stare wondering if the universe could really tolerate such a dense profusion of entropy in such a small area; but i prevailed.

Seriously: electrons are not particularly intelligent or predictable, but they do what they're supposed to do. That is, they stay the hell as far away from each other as they can manage. Wal-Martians, on the other hand, although approximately on average of the same intellectual bent as electrons, are mutually convinced that they, individually, are the only ones in the damned store. While electrons are arguably not convinced of anything whatever, they do strangely, by their God-given aversion to other electrons, thereby acknowledge the presence of the others.

i found myself, with my glucosamine, deodorant, and contact solution in the oxymoronically labeled "fast lane/self-checkout" line. There probably exist stores where self-checkout kiosks are a fine idea, but if i'd noticed that caveat on the sign when i got in the line i'd have nipped off and found me a nice half-mile long line with a cashier. i was second in line to check out. Second.

You get numb to hearing about the brain-dead exploits of the Wal-Mart crowd, i realize. Normally, though, they're just irritating-- maybe in the same way you or someone dear to you becomes wretched and irritating upon entering Wal-Mart. But this woman had three children and long about 200 items in a self-checkout line. That'd be plenty irritating, but she apparently thought it'd be socially acceptable to let her 11 year-old girl scan everything. Hijinks ensued. The lady behind me (and very likely several of the ladies in the 2 miles behind me) started cursing and gnashing her teeth. Fifteen minutes later, after learning which bit of each package she'd need to scan in order to make the robotic voice stop accusing her of theft, and having fetched a cashier from an otherwise smooth-flowing line to help her scan a picture frame with no tag on, she mercifully paid to end our misery. Only, lo and behold, the eleven y/o had reserved several items in the cart she wanted to pay for with her own money. Finally, she turned around and apologized to me that she'd never have expected it might take so long to check a mere 200 items (or however she phrased it in Ghetto). Then the yotch traipsed off, left her effin' cart parked right in front of me (like that's where, as far as she knew, Wal-Mart tends to store their carts), as well as her sparkling daughter, who was still trying to figure out from which complicated hole her change was gonna emerge when i took my receipt and bolted.

It was worth it though. i went to the climbgym today, and felt like i was gunning above 50% for the first time in months. Still not close to full-bore, and my ring-finger tendon and biceps still bark at me, but they let me climb. Retro-flashed a v4 endurance problem, almost got my project 4, and then tagged the penultimate hold on another 4. Nothing earth shaking, but it was awful encouraging to know i can still climb. Now to address those new year's resolutions...




*Or rather, like myself in a previous, better state. Couldn't rightly say i've ever felt like a human. Never been close enough to one of 'em to say if we've anything in common.

Fell on. Black days.

Imagine something bovine, swinging from a couple of those stretchy sticky rubber whips you used to wet down and irritate friends and teachers with as a lad, and that's about the correct picture of me in today's training session. we're staying at Steph's parent's house whilst replacing the flooring in ours, and for large chunks of the day there's nothing to do but eat while i'm watching the kids. The tendonitis has abated nearly not at all, although i've taken at least four days off. Plus, today's the first day of trying to quit dipping, so i feel like butter scraped over too much bread. (i just came up with that analogy, just now.) So instead of laying flooring, i'm drinking beer and trying not to think of how nice a dip sounds, nor of how much i'd like to strangle someone till they stop twitching. Maybe i need a hobby...

CFS

Sat. and mon. i went in to the climbgym. Been gone for the last three weeks straight, so i had to reacclamitize. Sat. i sent a v3 that'd eluded me at the comp, but not much else to speak of. i feel like i have chronic fatigue syndrome or something-- like i really need to sleep for about 20 hrs. straight to get caught up. Plus i have screaming tendonitis in most of my upper body, especially m' hands. On the other hand, i came pretty close yesterday to tagging my first v5. i was kinda going through the motions and not feeling very good when i hooked up with a coupla' other blokes throwing at this v5. i watched 'em for a good long while and started thinking it looked doable. Couldn't establish quick enough on the crux pinch 'cuz my hands are so torn down, but it felt possible if i can just heal. i'm kinda' excited about being home again. Even though i'm looking down the barrel of probably getting another monitor tech job (or something equally low paying) i'm excited about getting to heal up and start working out seriously again. No matter what i end up doing, i'm certain my attitude will be better now because i know how shitty it can get. And that's a blessing (albeit a weird one). Also, i might actually get to go back to school without Steph having to work if i can snag a 12 hr. shift job. i'm very motivated to get into PT school. i don't want to be a tech forever.

Sweet n Low

As always (and i have an astonishing number of time chords that'd fall under the heading "always"), it's a bittersweet bolus to choke down being unemployed. On the one hand, there's one helluva weekend with which to get stuff done. On the other, there're many slitted, derisive eyes insinuating at every turn that there's probably some better way i could be spending my time than whatever i'd be doing. At any rate, it's come down to a true battle of priorities for us. Being gone for 9 out of every 14 days (and spending 24 hrs. a day around oilfield trash) is having a clearly deleterious effect on my li'l family. On the other hand, i can't come up with anything that pays even in the same ballpark as rigwork that gets me home every night. i know there's something out there, but i don't know what it is. Bit nerve-wracking. i'd take a big pay cut to get to be close to home, but i can only realistically take so much before we can't pay our bills. Prayers please.

Tard

It's been a while since last I wrote, and i'm gonna see if I can post from my phone. Every tendon in my body hurts, and i'm looking for a new job. Getting 5 days out of every 14 to see my family is unacceptable-- i'm not man enough for it I suppose. Plus i'm kinda' sick of having global tendonitis that never has time to heal. Anyhow, i'd appreciate your prayers. Cheers mates.